Did you hear about the queen who was only 12 inches tall?
She was a great ruler.
One-liner Jokes
A good one-liner is a thing of beauty. A properly shit one-liner is something better. Below are 98 of them, accumulated over a decade of writing, collecting, and reluctantly admiring. Some are puns, some are absurd, all are designed to be over in roughly the same time it takes you to groan. Share your favourite via the menu above, or submit one of your own.
I’m on a whiskey diet
I can’t stand Russian dolls
Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?
Why did the Energizer Bunny go to jail?
Apparently comedian, Jack Dee’s daughter, Ellie is very bright!
I just won bronze in the national tanning championships
What sounds like a sneeze and is made of leather.A shoe
What’s red and stupid
A blood clot
Does anyone want to buy my broken barometer?No pressure!
I didn’t know I was dyslexic till I went to a toga
I just got a new job at a company that makes bicycle
I just got a new job at a company that makes bicycle wheels.
I’m their spokesperson.
I once dated a bird who worked at the Stock Exchange
My mate is selling his water bed
My mate is selling his water bed.
He says it’s causing him and his wife to drift apart.
I’m reading a horror story in Braille.Something terrible is going to happen
I saw a policewoman walking around earlier with a taser under her
I gave all my dead batteries away today
A huge thank you to my neighbour for allowing me to borrow
I’ve just been appointed to the board of directors of Old MacDonald’s
Went to the worst pub ever today called The Fiddle
Went to the worst pub ever today called The Fiddle.
What a vile inn.
