Top 20 Shit One Liners
My sister works for British Gas.
Do you wanna meter?
Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh sheet!
I sat next to an insurance woman during a Robbie Williams concert and through it all she offered me protection!
What’s the opposite of rose tinted glasses.
Skeptikals.
What do you call a teacher who’s always late?
Mister Bus.
A clown turned up late for work on his first day and got sacked from the circus.
He’s suing for funfair dismissal.
I burnt my Hawaiian Pizza last night.
Must use Aloha setting.
Someone threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me the other day.
Luckily I escaped with minor super fish oil injuries.
My wife asked me to pass her a lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She’s still not talking to me!
My dyslexia has reached a new owl.
I went to the prison library the other day.
I found lots of prose and cons.
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
Bought myself a universal remote control last night.
This could change everything!
What kind of music does an Agoraphobic like?
House
Did you hear about the guy who had a photographic memory from the age of 4?
Unfortunately, it was never developed.
A woman looked in the mirror and was shocked to see her first strands of gray hair.
She thought she’d dye.
What’s one of the best things about living in Sweden?
The national flag is a big plus.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
