A man goes into a pub, accompanied by his pet monkey. The man buys a drink. The monkey runs around the bar, eating everything it can lay hands on; peanuts, pork scratchings, crisps and someone’s plate of chips.
He then runs over to the pool table, picks the black ball off the table and with some difficulty swallows it.
The irate barman shouts at the man; “get that bloody monkey out of here! He’s a ruddy nuisance. Now nobody can play pool ‘cos he’s eaten the ball. And he’s finished off the pork scratchings”.
The monkey’s owner apologises profusely, adding; ” I’ll pay for the pool ball and everything else, no worries”.
Three weeks later the man and the monkey are back. The man orders a beer, and the monkey picks up a cocktail cherry off the bar, sticks it up his backside, then pulls it out and eats it. He then does the same with a pickled onion.
The barman is appalled, ” Jesus, now he’s stickin’ stuff up his arse, then eating it. Why the hell’s he doing that?”
The man replies “Well, ever since the episode with the pool ball, the clever little sod now measures everything before he eats it.”